


And Yet I Continue To Play The Game

by Raicheda



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: BAMF Allen Walker, Character Death, Crime, Dark, Dark Allen Walker, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreams vs. Reality, Masks, Not Really Character Death, Poetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:14:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27775159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raicheda/pseuds/Raicheda
Summary: Be it Poker, Clowning around or the process of becoming a Noah, Allen refuses to submitWhy?Because the cards are always in his favourAnd Allen is careful to make sure it remains that way.~Dark Allen~Allen is asleep in black order dungeon(rewrite of my story from 2013 on fanfiction.net by the same name)
Kudos: 11





	And Yet I Continue To Play The Game

**Author's Note:**

> It's Not an exact copy of the one I uploaded on Fanfiction.Net back in 2013  
> Honestly some of my old works make me cringe, spelling mistakes, grammar issues, sometimes the wrong definition e.g. Prima Donna - Primo Uomo, General structure of the writing as a whole, That's not to say I'm not proud of them, otherwise we wouldn't be here now.  
> Hopefully you all like this version better, I've tried adding in some of the constructive criticisms I've received over the years, but I'm still learning.
> 
> Enjoy <3

What is a friend?  
But someone so easy to deceive and betray.

What is a love?  
When the person you admire is blind to a fault

Who is your ally?  
When you've twisted and turned so much in the dark that your mind is to hide its decrepit form.

What is darkness?  
When you've delved further into the abyss than is supposed to be possible,  
drowning in the acidic blackness of the errors hidden in your soul

Where is the silver lining?  
When all the clouds merge into a large cloak, stealing the rays of sunlight from your mind.

I have fallen from grace  
Time has taken it away from me  
Now a Madness slowly consumes my every thought, mimicking my every action. 

I watch my own shadow now as if it is nothing but some puppet on a string, but which mocks me?  
The puppet?  
Or The String? 

Perhaps it is the puppeteer, but should that not be myself?  
am I not supposed to be the one in control of my own fate? 

No,  
It doesn't feel like I am  
I am no longer the master of my own body.

Deceiving, Deceiving, and Deceiving again, And Yet I continue to play the game that has taken soo much from me.  
Still despite my weariness, with each new game my hand remains the same  
For now I can see it isn't only my own self and surroundings that have become so disformed  
But also those who challenge me, those who wish to win, their faces all almost the same

They are Overflowing with the same ugly pride and enthusiasm I once had  
And if not, They are Dripping with such straightforward simple beliefs, That they couldn't possibly be playing without having been manipulated, for their pure minds  
so blank  
soo white  
pure.

Yet purity is soo easy to crush  
For I have danced my way through many of their kind, seducing them into submission  
Causing them to lower their guards as I subtlety, go in for the kill  
Murder not being my aim but planting the steps into their mind  
Then bringing them into the dance, Only for them to watch in Despair As I, Their Primo Uomo, take the stage by storm drawing the Audiences attention away from them  
They become simply chorus dancers that fail to use my spot light.

And yet I am not satisfied.  
No matter how much I corrupt them, It would seem only the blackness of my abyss can keep me whole  
I can no longer stray into the sunlight too long, for it surely blinds me  
However the occasional act of innocence, the façade of my poker mask is necessary.

Yet still my mask is a heavy Burden  
I can not keep clowning around in the shadows forever it seems, for the shadows that lie where my heart should are leaking through my very pores more often now  
Almost revealing to those who I have deceived what I really am  
Such a thing makes me feel soo irate that I almost snap at my fellow white clowns.

My black mask breaks when it is revealed that no matter how much I cover my path a black lion has been tracking me  
Ready to consume me at any moment.

It's Funny how as a white clown I was to whip into shape the other black circus lions  
They who always fought back with a Sadistic tendency when trying to tear me to shreds  
It is ironic how I will soon be forced to submit into the stomach of a black lion,  
One who hunts with a vengeance and ferocity that clearly states it would kill its own.

As I lie in the claws of the beast the other lions appear to quell the fury of it's brethren  
Only to be swatted away like flies  
Their pack leader comes forward to subdue him  
but while I remain under the lions heavy paw, with his Fiery black claws burning their way into my flesh  
I feel his muscles tense  
It is the last thing I see as his paw finishes me off  
Him lunging at the pack leader  
Aiming directly for the throat.

I awaken with a gasp and almost laugh hysterically at the irony of the dream  
The key word being almost.

It is no good to seem like I've already become insane to the order when they have me imprisoned and ready to be charged for "Heresy"  
For being the Fourteenths "host"  
and maybe to also protect whom-ever it is I am supposed to 'Love' that I would kill to truly become a Noah  
Ah, that was another thing the dream had failed in truly acknowledging other than my not liking, but simply acting 'The Gentleman' towards others policy.

Just like The Black Lion that was the Fourteenth  
I too Refuse to Submit.  
"Just Try and Consume me Fourteenth, The Deck is ALWAYS in MY Favour."


End file.
